It seems!!!!

It seems that what started as a blog to find our way to full time rving when we retire turned into a memorial site for our pets.  When I started this we had four shelties.  Since that time they have all gone to the rainbow bridge.  I last posted in Dec of last year and then in Jan we lost Kelsey, one of our Doxie brothers just 6 days before his first birthday.  It was really tough to handle that loss.  Duncan was spared and has been my constant companion since then.  Growing into a beautiful and loving abet somewhat spoiled baby

My husband retired in June and although Duncan stays home during the day he doesn't get far from my side when I am home.

Now it seems I am taking another path with this blog.  Many years ago my husband was diagnosed with COPD which is a cronic disease that never gets better, has no cure and worsens with time.  For him that time has come.  It was suggested that I blog about my journey and my feelings along this path so I will try it and see how things progress.

Although I knew he was getting worse I had no idea that it was as bad as it is until a visit to the Dr in October.  At that time he had just finished a round of steriods and antibiotics and was not improving.  The Dr started talking about referring him to the local hospice program and his end of life wishes.  It was initially for paliative care, but when the social worker called to make the first appt she told us that she was all they had a referral for.  I immediately contacted the doctors office the next day and we had an appt with the clinical nurse two days later.  At the end of the interview she said she was recommending that DH be placed in full hospice care.  If she has slammed a brick into my chest she couldn't have shocked me anymore.  He wants no life support at the end of his life and is DNR (do not resuscitate) so this program is just to make it able for him to stay at home and be without pain and to leave this world in comfortable surroundings instead of in a hospital. 

I have been his caregiver in the past post several surgeries, but never with the knowledge that this will be the last time I have the opportunity to take care of him.  I have found a very informative site for caregivers of COPD patients  COPD-International caregivers forum.  I think with the chat room on this site and the support of my hospice team we will muddle through together.  I do have close friends who are there to help and support me every step of the way so will make it.  Everyone is telling me I need to take care of myself or I will not be any good to my husband.  A gentleman, who is a host in the chat room, lost his wife in 2009 told me this will be the hardest and most rewarding job I will ever have in my life.  I am far from ready for him to leave me, but when you think about it I have the opportunity to spend time with him, let him know how much I love him and also to let him go with the knowledge that I will be OK.  Many people don't have that precious time and they spend a lot of time asking why and wishing they had done or said one thing or another.  It has been three weeks since we were hit with the news and he was admitted to the program.  I have no idea how long I will have him, but intend to make this time as special as I can for him.